It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
