bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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