one might say we're banned from that church
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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