God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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