i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
