i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
