Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
