very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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