Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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