You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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