don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
