I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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