Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
