you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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