No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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