So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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