She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
