"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
