hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
