I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
