This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
