i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
