They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
