i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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