I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize