So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
