about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
