your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
