So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
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