Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize