Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
