So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
