If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
