Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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