There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I have aggressive nipples.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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