I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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