I'm so fucking centered right now
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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