I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
