So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Swine flu is the new snow day.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
