i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
