I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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