Your dad touched me again.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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