I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
