I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
