Don't make out with my wife yet
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
