What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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