the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
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