Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize