Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
