I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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