Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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