He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize