We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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