Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i drank out of a bidet.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize