why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
