this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
no, he came in my armpit
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
