So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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