i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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