i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
