i need an iv and a liver transplant
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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