Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
